Lonely

My emotions over the past number of months have confused, annoyed, and shocked me many, many times. I put up this post on December 2nd 2006. I was away from the city for a while, and hadn't spoken to, or seen the ex. Whilst doing other things online, he popped in my thoughts for one reason or the other, and the intensity with which I missed him at that very moment shocked and scared me. Here's a post I put up... It's really short, but it was how I was feeling.


Originally Posted on December 2nd, 2006.

Nights like this are the worst. I miss you so much it hurts. All I want to do is pick up the phone and dial your number... hear your voice. Talk about everything... anything. You'd say something, and I'd laugh, and I say something witty back. We'd laugh together... talk together. Like we used to... then maybe you'd come over here, or I come there, and we'd rent a movie to watch together... You'd put your head on my chest like you used to and I'd rub your hair and your head... I'd rub your back, and hold you really tight. I'd tell you I love you, and you'd tell me you love me too... After the movie, you'd roll over like you do when you're getting ready to fall asleep, and I'd roll over as well as I slip my arms under and through yours. I'd put my ankles between yours, and we'd talk for a little while before we each drifted off... *sigh*. Its nights like this that are the worst. I miss you so much it hurts.

I can't call you though... and if I did, I doubt we'd find anything to laugh about. We haven't laughed together in ages. If I called you, we'd make awkward conversation for a couple of minutes, and if don't hang up right after, we'll inevitably start arguing about something or the other. You'll get curt, I'll get upset... You'll hang up; I'll hate myself for calling. You and I... we're done. I know this now; I see it now.... *sigh*. It's for the best; it's what we both needed. Still doesn't make it any easier though, you know?